Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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