Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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