i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
