Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
