If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize