I cockslap morals
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
