Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize