you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
