I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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