If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
