I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
