it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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