I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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