I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
