I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
