So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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