I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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