There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize