We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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