Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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