I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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