Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize