Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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