If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
