i think my tv is drunk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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