dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
