So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
