its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
