you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
