Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
