My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
