there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
