apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
