I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
