Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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