I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
