the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
