If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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