Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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