i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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