we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
