grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
