You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
