So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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