Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
