Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize