Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Drake has all the answers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
