what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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