It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
