i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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