i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
