Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
