your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
