ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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