He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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