Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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