You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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