No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
