Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
