she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
