He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
