ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize