he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
