Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
