Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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