Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
