I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why didn't you poke me back
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
