literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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