see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
