i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
