my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
