talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
