THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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