also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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