your thong is hanging out like whoa
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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