last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
