Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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