I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
