I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
