I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
