I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
MIDGETS
????
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
