Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
