My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
