I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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