soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
