you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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