She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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