I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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