I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
