so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
