I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
