i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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