did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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