hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize