I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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