So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
