He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize