So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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