I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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