after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
