so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
