hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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