dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
