i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
