Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
