I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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