Dual....:-)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
