bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize