Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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